Sunday, February 25, 2007
It's real tough, sometimes, to realize the smell of your own stinch. When you finally come to the realization that the awful smell you've complained about so long is actually your own fault. There is no one to blame but yourself. I feel that way now about myself. I have long prayed and prayed and prayed about the lack of spiritual maturity present in my life. I sincerely doubt that God would withhold growth in my life. It's my understanding that He actually desires for us to grow closer to Him and that we are the ones so resistant. Paul explained that he was frustrated as a result of doing the things that he didn't want to do. That nearly sums up my feelings. I definitely have a desire inside my heart to honor the Lord with the character of my life. The problem is that there are many instances (that occur regularly) that I find myself ashamed, frustrated, and regretful because I acted in an unGodly manner. Sin is horrible. No matter the person, the form, or the degree - sin is an awful thing to deal with. God is faithful to free us from the grip of sin so I know that it is not His fault that I wrestle with it so. It's up to me to determine what action I am not taking and then take it. I desire to honor God and live in His Will. In order to do that I must develop a pure hatred of all sin and strip it from my life. Jesus died and rose for this very thing. I must understand the power that I possess through His death and, with the Holy Spirit, overcome this awful stinch in my life. Please give me the boldness to stare temptation in the face and overcome. I pray for courage to fight when its overwhelming and to never give in or give up. Help me to be brave for You - my King, my Jesus.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Where do I begin? It's been a very long time since I last expressed my thoughts on this journal. I've been very busy with school, church, BCM, and everything else life can throw at me. Confusion is only the tip of the iceberg. I have tons of questions that I wish I had answers. Perhaps the only thing to do is the one thing that I should have been busy doing all along - seeking the Lord. If I seriously took Him at His word then I would be able to put my doubts, questions, and worries in His control. Ultimately there is absolutely nothing I can do apart from Him. I have to believe, according to my faith and His promises, that He has my best interest at hand. His heart longs for the very best in my life. Anything less, would be out of His character. I suppose I should refocus my life, my being, my purpose to figuring out Him, His being, and His purpose in my life. I believe I will never be joyful, content, or fully alive unless I completely give myself over to Him.